Making Art After a Hiatus
It’s been three years since I read a book. As in properly, start to finish, completed a paperback book. It’s a little disappointing since I started this site with the intention of reviewing famous and obscure literature across the world. Before I started DBNR, I bought a bunch of classic novels and manga, as well as some books on how to study literature, getting better at researching, and writing effective research papers.
The goal at the time was to become someone knowledgeable in literature (which was my major at the time) who could present his ideas clearly and effectively, while also having an entertaining style. Looking back on it now, I think the best way to become such a person would’ve been to simply start uploading videos first, and then learn new skills as the opportunities arose.
Instead, I ended up surrounding myself with information and neglecting all the books I already had around me to talk about. And when I got frustrated that I wasn’t making any real progress towards making the videos I wanted to make, I took a break from studying and from reading and didn’t look back.
Some years later, with an idea and desire for creating still in my mind, I decided to shift my focus to discussing all kinds of artworks using photography to present my thoughts.
But again I ran into the same issue as before; I was surrounded by artworks I wanted to discuss but was never improving at my own art because I didn’t practice often enough. So I would take a break, find a work I liked, try and fail to create my own art, repeat.
The hardest part wasn’t being bad at photography, it was feeling like a beginner every time I picked up my camera. And with reading, I felt like I was becoming less capable the more I tried.
Except I wasn’t really trying. I was expecting to be as good as I was before, or even better, without recognizing where I was in that moment compared to where I was before.
It’s like expecting to run a marathon in your 30’s because you were on the track team in high school; it only works if you’ve been putting in the effort. So instead of running a marathon, you should jog around the block.
This feeling of inadequacy is the biggest friction point when returning to any skill, but it feels especially bad in creative fields where we tie so much of ourselves to our work.
Unfortunately, the solution to this is one that nobody wants to hear: work past it and the feeling will go away on its own.
You’ll find that the more you focus on your work, the faster your muscle memory kicks in and the time you spend getting back into shape is far less than when you first learned everything.
Of course, rest is necessary, and life happens despite your best efforts. It’s not always possible to practice but try to remember that the initial friction you feel when returning is not only normal, but temporary.
For anyone curious, the book was Animal Farm. That was early December and I just finished Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep last week.